Feb
Okay, before we get all flustered, there’s more to the question. I’m not making this a debate because we all know the drama that comes from working vs staying home. That’s not my question.
When a person is staying home with their children, is it really ideal for them if they pretty much do nothing all day? Meaning no play dates, not really doing anything but staying home? People seem to believe that it’s ideal for your child to stay home with them because parents know ideal, it’s that bonding, etc. (And to each their own, I’m not judging)
But in a case like this, is it truly ideal for the children to stay home? Whereas at a daycare (in home or center), they could be in a learning environment? Socializing with other children?
Curious to hear how some of you feel about this.
Thanks!
Answer:
I know exactly what you mean. If you’re not teaching your child and encouraging them to imagine and play and being active then maybe it's not the ideal. They would get more benefits from being with other people than someone who pretty much ignores them. I stay at home with my son because I would not trust anyone else with him. We play games and I’ve so many plans for walks, hikes, playing at the park this summer. He is very loved and active and we will learn a lot. If I just sat around all day or did home work all day and let him be on his own then I would just get a job and take him to a daycare. What is the point of being a SAHM if you aren't focused on your child?
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i agree. so many day cares out there are very evil, and i wouldn’t trust them to watch over my children. as long as you at least feed them, entertain them, and let them to social activities lol then it shouldnt be a problem. children need ATTENSION, and without it, they’re helpless. unless you have friends that have children, then you could always go and let them spend the day with them or something or let them be lazy. it really does all depend on the parents, and how you want them to be raised.
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It seems to depend on the child too. I’m a stay home mum (because we could afford for me to be, and we thought it better for the family), but I don't 'do nothing all day'. If you're a lazy stay at home mum and put the kids in front of the tv while you do sod all, then yes your kids will benefit from being in daycare. A good stay at home mum beats daycare easily - but you need to be dedicated and devoted. You have to include social activities for their development as much as your own sanity!
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I feel as if my child should be out around other children, its superior for her learning & development. My 3 year old has been in daycare since she was around nearly 2. Putting a brand new baby in daycare is one thing…but when they have the ability to at least crawl or goo and gaa gaa I think its great for them to be object to other children & different surroundings. My tiny one is just turning 6mths and Im looking into enrolling her soon at the same place as my 3 yr old. Even if you dont want to enroll in daycare, at least do some play dates w/other people! Go to the store…. My dad watches my tiny one right now while I work, but Im sure she’ll be fine when she goes to daycare since shes always around different people!
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Staying home is good for us. It is not for everyone. We’ve live in a great area where there are a lot of support groups. My children don't miss out on anything except bad associations. We home school. We have field trips, sports (competitive and non), park days, etc. There are a lot of mother groups here, too. You've got to have a plan. You can't just go with the flow each day. Learning should be the top priority. Instruct your child something each day. Go the library, museums, etc. The key is GET INVOLVED!
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I think if the SAH parent is providing for all of the child's needs (including social) and the parent is happy, it's great for the child.
If the SAH parent is unhappy and/or not providing all of the child's needs, it's far from ideal.
ETA for queen bee….My children's daycare staff doesn't care about my children? HAHAHAHA!!! That is the funniest thing I've heard all day… if you only knew…… and a good daycare is anything BUT evil
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I can go either way. There are good and bad daycares as well as good and bad parents. Daycare is high-priced. You’ve to have a decent job to justify the cost. If you’re a single mother you probably don’t have much of a choice but to work. Everybody has a different situation.
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it's ideal for kids to be with loving caretakers who stimulate and nurture them. there are daycare providers who do fit that bill and daycare providers who don't … and there are stay-at-home parents who do and stay-at-home parents who don't.
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what ever works for the family . daycare or a sahm
there is never in life a perfect anything NEVER
I know sahm that take their kids to a daycare of 3 to 4 hr a week so they have the ability to go get stuff done I know mothers that have never left there kids . we’ve tp do what we can
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daycare all the way, my children are loving well behaved, but energetic, and high strung i cant take 24 hours with them i can barely take 16. i love going to work it is my peace time. to bad i actually have to do work. if you call answering questions on yahoo all day work.
day care yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Answer:
Your question is kind of like asking - Which is better for children - fruits or vegetables?
Yes, it is good for kids to learn to socialize.
And, yes, it is good for kids to have a strong attachment with parents and families that share the same values and teach them with love.
Both of these can happen whether a child is raised in a family where the parents are home all of the time or in a family where parents sometimes work outside of the home.
ETA: Nothing whatsoever wrong with 'do nothing all day with dad (or mom)' days, either, from time to time. Start talking to him about and pointing out info about local kid events that they might want to go to. Your husband could very well be depressed right now, due to the layoff. Gently and lovingly, give him some motivation to get out there & spend time doing something with his days & with his son. It may help him with his own outlook, too.
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To be quite honest, I think that people THINK too much about stuff like this. If you're trying TOO hard, then you're more likely to fail, whichever way you go. If you just let it be and do what you do, then your kids will grow up just fine. Parenting is hard work, but it sounds like people try to make it more difficult by thinking and examining WAY too much! Also, your life should NOT be to cater to your children. If you are a good parent, then your child will be able to learn, socialize, interact, etc. in whatever setting they’re in. Obviously, if a SAHM decides that she's just going to lock her children up at home and never let them out, then they will most likely have some developmental issues. I AM a stay at home mama, and I don't believe that my son is lacking at ALL! We go out and see people, but he just comes with me. He's only 8 months old, and cares about when he can see anyone, whether they're 2 days old, 2 years old, or 2 decades old. In fact, I believe that kids who are around older kids and adults more often tend to actually develop quicker than children who are ONLY around other children. I've seen it in my siblings (I have 8 of them), I've seen it in my nieces and nephews (I have 10 of them), and I've seen it with my cousins and their kids (I have almost 100 FIRST cousins, which means they’ve a TON of kids between all of them.) Needless to state, I've been around my fair share of babies, and seen that the parents who overanalyze their parenting skills tend to stress their kids out, and they end up with kids with developmental or social issues. That's my view.
Answer:
well first of all just cause your husband doesn't do anything with his son does NOT mean that other stay at home parents act the same way. i have a schedule for my daughter whether we’re going some place or not. when she wakes up she has her bottle, she gets breakfast about two hours later about an hour after that its bath time and time to get dressed and ready for the day. after that we could go for walks,to the park, to grandma or grandpas home, to the mall to walk around or play dates (or play groups) …. if we are not going out one day i DON'T just sit my kid in front of the Television and let her brain rot away. we always have something to do, if i am cleaning up the home she’s playing with her toys o helping me (in her own special way) or we are playing together.
really it depends on the environment like you said in one of you edits. if someone is going to be a stay at home parent but is going to sit on their butt all day while their kid is parked in front of a TV what good does that do? in that type of situation it would be useless to stay at home because my kid would learn more going to day care and socializing with others. to be a GOOD parent you have to do what's best for your child. for some it's being in a day care type of setting where they’re with other kids, for some it's being at home with parents who are ATTENTIVE and actually teaching their children something. the reason i wanted to stay home was so that my children can have my full attention. my children are the most important thing to me and i do whatever i can to make sure they’re happy healthy smart socilaized well rounded indivduas.
if you dont like that your son is still in his pj's when he stays home with his dad then that's something you need to discuss with your husband. cause im nearly willing to bet that he's there with your son all day but when you come home you still have to cook and clean!
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With my first born, I was a SAHM who *did nothing bc Our circumstances at the time I was stuck at home *(no automobile, out in the country for 3 yrs and no family to help us out, plus we’d to bankrupt). I tried the playgroup thing and I hated it, she would just want me to play with her there as she did at home + the women were completely like a high school clique and I couldn't be bothered with that garbage. So I stayed at home, took her out for walks I became my daughters playmate. She didn't socialize aside from people we met. When it became school time, she told me to take a hike the first day and never looked back. So I can hardly think I did any wrong or that she didn't adjust well. She's a very well liked and social child with the best manners and I'm always being complemented on how good my children on. I won't go onto my son bc I am doing stuff with him now that I'm able to…but…
I don't believe sitting inside all day is healthy for the parent or the child for long term. It plays on your head, at least it did with me! But I don't believe in the *farce* of needing to always keep a child at a 101 activities or playgroups are detrimental to socialization bc there are other ways and some kids adjust just fine without it.
Answer:
Doing nothing? Well Im a SAHM and I certainly dont 'do nothing'
Monday - we go to soft play with my cousins daughter
Tuesday - We usually go swimming (she has had a bit of a cough lately, so I have given that a miss)
Wednesday - no plans, we maight stay in, go shopping, go to town.
Thursday - baby gymnastics
Friday - payday so baby gets spoiled
Saturday - daddy's day off, we have a family day.
Sunday - visit grandparents
If we do stay at home, we draw, colour, paint, play, nap, snack, read - loads of things. In between all these things I try to do a chore.
For example - we’ve completed painting, so now Mummy will do the dishes *and then* we’ll read a story.
It helps my daughter to stay patient while I am doing something.
Home is the BEST learning environment - if the parent allows it to be. I’ve just made our own picture cards to learn about animals and what noises they make. everything is about learning - ie, yes thats right, its a BALL, a RED ball, and so on.
Answer:
I concur with you. The debate isn’t about which venue your child is being looked after in. Socialising is VERY important for all kids. It's also important for their caregivers!!! I stayed home for my year long mat leave and made an effort to go out each single day. I would go swimming with my daughter, go to reading circles, the park, the market - somewhere where she could see the same faces on a consistent basis. It doesn't have to be an pricey “class” - as I mentioned my daughter cares about the ladies at the market. They all know her name and she loves to baby chat with them while I do my groceries. Now that I'm back at work I know that my daughter LOVES her daycare. I’m 2 months from giving birth to number 2 and know that I'll have to find “something” for my daughter to be involved in so that she won't be bored at home with me and a newborn. Hope this answers your question.
Answer:
I think there are many pros and cons.
I think when the child stays at the home and only with mom all the time I envision it would harm their social interaction, most of the SAHM's I know make sure to schedule play dates or activities to try and avoid this. It does also hinder the mother having a life when she has tiny social interaction, so I definitely think play dates are great.
Being a SAHM just isn't for me. I've been home on bed rest for the past few weeks and I am going out of my mind, how many times can you tooth brush scrub your bath tub clean?
edit: Can we stop the hate emails to me please? I’m bored because my daughter is in school during the day not because im a bad mother who pays no attention to my daughter. Don't be so swift to judge.
Working is the best situation for my family. My daughter went to daycare from 6 weeks old. Sure there are some evil daycares, but you’ve to check a place out before you send your kids there- how idiotic do some think parents are? I went to college for 8 years and I love having a career. I also take multiple vacations during the year just to stay home with my daughter, if school is out- I am at home with her, I take 3 weeks off during the summer and 2 weeks at Christmas a week during the Spring a week a Thanksgiving.
This is what works ideal for the needs of my family.
Answer:
My son went to daycare until the middle of first grade. My daughter stayed home with me. I think the danger of staying home is to the adult. In my case there is a definite difference in the knowledge each child had going into kindergarten. Both already had the social skills. My daughter is more advanced in reading, writing, numbers, and just being able to apply what she already knows to unknown situations. I believe that this is a direct result from the one on one interaction she had. In a daycare you don't have that so the tiny questions go unsaid and therefore unanswered.
Answer:
For many, many, many years that's what happened (without the Television of course). Parents didn't organize “playgroups”, didn't have preschools and daycares. The kids did not turn out weird. It is the way it was. Kids turned out just fine. In fact, for a long time, way back when there were no schools either, homeschool was the way it was as well.
Only in the last few years has it become the popular thing to “socialize” kids young. Somehow people think that their kids will turn out superior if they are with other kids 24/7. I'm not sure just what the reasoning is behind that since children back when turned out just fine without it.
Answer:
I was basically a stay at home mother until my daughter was about 1 1/2 (I only went to school and worked a few hours a week). I do think it's ideal for one parent to be a stay at home mother at least while the child is younger. I had to put my daughter in daycare because I needed to go back to work but she has adjusted fine. I would be terrified about putting my son in Daycare at a young age though. I would rather to wait until he is at least a year old like my daughter was. If you're a SAHM, I think you should still do things with your child, be active and productive of course. They will have years of socialization once they enter elementary school though, so I wouldn't be too worried about it.
Answer:
I think being a stay at home mother is great if you can afford to do it. I currently work 1.5 days a week, so my daughter goes to a child minder we’ve known for a while who only cares for her and her own daughter.
Being a SAH has a lot of benefits for you and baby. You build a closer bond, you can take them to toddler groups, meet other mums through netmums.com, there are numerous ways in which you can socialise. You also have the opportunity to educate your child yourself through music, flash cards, colouring etc, this way you know how your child is educated and how they’re progressing.
There’s nothing wrong with day care if that is what you have to do, but people who put their kids in to daycare when they can afford not to are lazy in my thought. There is no better care giver than yourself when it comes to your child.
Answer:
My children are plenty socialized and we often 'stay at home.' But my son goes to preschool and my daughter has him to follow around, plus she goes to playgroup once a week. But I interact with my kids, too, like little people. They've always been articulate and expressive and I think that's why - because I speak to them (and read to them, too).
One day my son was talking about something, I forget what - but I asked him, would you rather have mommy stay home with you and take care of you or someone else? And he stated, “You, mommy.” I don't know that before that moment he even realized something else was possible, because it's just been something we've always done. He told me once, after I showed him where I used to work, that “you stopped working because you decided to be my mommy.” LOL I wanted to cry. 
I always knew I wanted to stay at home with my children, because it's just what I wanted. I'm lucky that I have the ability to work from home but I want to be with them all the time, and do it myself - because I’m their mom. And even if you do stay home and do “nothing,” to a small pre-school aged child play is one of the most important aspects of their development, I think. Why put him in daycare when I can take care of him? It seems silly, at least for us.
Answer:
I think the situation is oversimplified to split it into 'stay at home' vs. 'stay in day care.' A lot of it depends on everyone's attitude — does the Mother (or Dad) even WANT to stay home? Not everyone does, but if they're forced to, that’ll have an impact.
Does the kid enjoy staying home, or are they bored? Are they intimidated by day care or thrive in it? (Also, the quality of day care plays a big part, but I'm sure that goes without saying).
In sum, whatever works best for the family works best for the kids. As long as everyone's happy, that's what matters. And in general, no, I don't think it makes any difference.
Answer:
I also agree with Asher, what is the point of being a sahm if the child is plopped infront of the tv all day while mom does her own thing. I sadly know too many mothers like this. I also know the great stay home moms who are non stop busy with their children too, and those mothers rock!
I was a sham for almost 3 years, I returned to work because I love my job and the extra income is also needed. My youngest adores his daycare and I think if I was to pull him out now his heart would break! And most daycare workers are loving people, no they’re not mummy but they do care !
Answer:
Well, I don't think either is best. Even when my girls were younger, being a SAHM allowed me to socialize them plenty. We went to the zoo, the park about 4 or 5 times per week, I got them together with other children several times per week and they were around family members children often, plus when they turned 2 I already had them enrolled in mommy and me dance, gymnastics and swim.
Being a sahm hasn't meant actually spending most of my time, at home. I make it a point to get my kids *out there* in the world often. Even now that they’re school aged they’ve all their activities and friends in and out of our house constantly.
It's not as dull as you imagine. lol
For your edit*******
I'm a sahm because that works out really well for our family. I do intend to work at home now that my children are in school and I'm getting bored when they aren't home. However, my job will be working for my husband, so it's not a huge leap. He’s also basically a stay at home father. He only goes out a couple days per week and has an office in our home. I really love the way our life is set up.
Okay.. let me try again******
I think it's best for OUR children because I have the ability to be there at the school to volunteer a lot of the time. I have the ability to help organize fund raisers and I can volunteer to lead some of their after school activities. I think they love this and are proud that I'm able to do it.
I can't speak for other families cause I got no idea what goes on in their homes.
Answer:
I tried to stay at work when my daughter was born but she picked up EVERYTHING and was in the hospital once at the age of 4 months. I’m not saying that once I stayed at home she never got sick but she didnt get sick as much. It was not worth the money for me to work because everytime she got sick I missed work(no pay) and had a doctor bill. I decided when she was about a year old to have play dates and helped out friends who were between baby sitters so she’s well socialized and by the time she was old enough for kindergarten she was ready to go. She’s doing very well in school. We have since had a son and do the same for him. He gets sick quite often even staying a t home (hubby teaches though) and sister brings germs home. I do a circle time and read to him, he has play dates and he will learn what he needs from me. I worked in daycare so I know how to do the routine and education. I love being with my kids so I wouldnt change it but I’ll go back to public work once my son is in school. I think if you are willing to work with your kids and educate them it is fine for them to stay home. If you’ve to work (or want to) that is up to you. My main reason for staying home is I want that time with my kids while they are small because they’re grown before you know it.
Answer:
They have from kindergarten on up to socialize.
Small children are meant to be with their parents and family.
Of course play dates and activities are great- my babies go to kindermusik, playgroups and torah tots (a friday morning class/play group at our synagogue)- they know these are activities they do with other children and their moms. But ultimately, you have 5-6 years to build a child whose attachments to their parents are strong enough that in later years they maintain those family relationships as primary-
look at it this way- if you died when your child was 16, do you want your child to grieve with your husband and other kids, or their friends? Who can give the best support and guidance? WHo can provide a path to stick to?
If a child is overly socialized from an early age, guess which one they're going to lean on?
The other 16 year olds without an awful lot to offer.
I suppose in your case it would come down to- is your husband going to read, play, interact, take baby to baby-centered activites, and involve baby in daily household life through sppech and activity,or is your husband going to lay on the couch while baby uses books as chew toys? If it's the first, then yes, baby is better off with dad.
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yes it is, daycare is evil and they’ll tend to be sick more and daycares are to high-priced and they really dont care about your children
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you're a misogynist. it's none of your business how other women raise their kids.
my daughter is a fine healthy 15 year old, thanks for asking.