May
When I'm 'all grown up' and married, I'm going to foster and eventually adopt kids of all ages from foster homes. I love children and it just seems logical to me to give loving homes to those without parents, instead of bringing more people into this already overpopulated world, and taking a family away from a child in care.
There are over 70 000 kids in foster homes in my country, which I think is sickening.
All kids deserve love and a home, who their biological parents are shouldn't matter to anyone, so why is adoption thought of as the last resort for people who want children? And they do they so often only adopt babies?
What about the 15 year olds, or kids with disabilities and behavioral problems?
Shouldn't people who love children be helping them?
I don't get it.
Answer:
All of that sounds wonderful - and kudos to you for caring about the children who NEED families - except one thing. Will you be disappointed if your involvement doesn't help a child, or change their life? If you go into this with the assumption that your presence (i.e. your loving, caring demeanor, your knowledge, your education, experience, whatever) will be enough to change a child's life…that could set the child up for failure. I know it doesn't sound care about it from the outside, but from the child's perspective, that's a lot to live up to. To enter a brand new home, live with a stranger, and to be expected to suddenly be “healed” by their presence (or even not “suddenly” but “eventually”)…that's a big burden for the child to carry.
I'm not trying to get down on you. Just give you something important to consider before you start the foster/adoption process. Children don't need saviors, they just need people who care about them (which you obviously do) who don't care if they're “broken” all the time, even throughout their lives. In other words, they need unconditional love…and it sounds to me like you're more than willing to give it. Awesome!
ETA: I'm sorry, I didn't answer your question. The answer is because it's natural to want your own kids. My best friend, who I've known for 22 years, could never adopt. She just couldn't envision herself treating an adopted child the way she treats her biological kids. It's good that she recognizes that, and won't be subjecting an adoptee to further pain. There's nothing wrong with her, and she's not being mean. It's natural to not feel as much (or the same type of) love for someone else's child. I, on the other hand, have always wanted to adopt, and have foregone the choice of having my own kids because I always wanted my children to be FIRST choice (i.e. I didn't want to adopt because I “had to”, I wanted my kids to know that my first choice was always adoption). My say, however, is flooded with PAP's adopting through foster care, and we have waited nearly 3 years to adopt. We're now rethinking our stance (after all, if the kids don't need us, why keep trying?). We haven't decided yet if we’ll continue with the adoption process, but if we stop it, I’ll have to do some serious soul searching. It has always been imperative to me that I never bring a child in my life as “second choice”…but if I am to have biological children at this point, they WILL be second choice. So, should I not have children at all, or should I grieve the loss of helping a child who needs it and move on? It will be tough to decide that.
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I had planned on having biological kids as well as fostering. Now it looks like I’ll only be fostering.
Its human nature for women to desire the experience of pregnancy. Its a major source of bonding with the child.
Also, not everyone is cut out to be a foster parent. Almost all children in the foster system are older, and have emotional baggage of some sort. It takes far more than the average parent to foster sucessfully.
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Its natural for people to want their own kids. I want my own children when im older. People dont want to foster or adopt because they want something that’s theirs, their own flesh and blood. People also see it as a sign of their and their partners love for one another. Adopting is great but the child will never have you DNA and it will never truly be your son/daughter. I want to have my own kids when im older but I would like to adopt one or two as well. I thin its great that you want to give these kids a home and a family and good luck with it.
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you have a wonderful heart. You are right, most people only think of adoption or fostering if they can't have their own children. There are a lot of great children that need saving. I think those who select to have children late in life, (45+) would be doing a superior service by adopting an older child whose life they have the ability to impact immediately. As for giving a foster child back to their parents, that’s a wonderful day. You kept that child safe while the parents were able to put themselves in a position to parent.
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You do realize adoption is a very lengthy and high-priced process right? I would gladly adopt kids, I just cannot afford the legal fees. Than politics for making it a fortune to give unfortunate kids a good home. There are too many restrictions on adoption, you would have to be near perfect to adopt.
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My husband and I have talked about fostering and it's just not something I'm built for. I really couldn't. After taking care of a child on my own and getting them ripped away, that would be something that would tear me up emotionally and my children don't deserve that kind of pain, either.
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I know for sure I don't have it in me to be a foster parent. I would get too attached and it would kill me eventually to have to return the child to a possibly abusive situation if the state decided to do that.
Kudos to people who can. I just couldn't.
Answer:
i comprehend how you feel
i really want to eventually help the foster children too
however i still want too pass on my genetics at least once
i want to have at least one child
that truly is my little boy or my baby girl
call me crazy
but i think a lot of people can relate
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Most of the time fostering does not equal adoption. I, for one, am not that strong.
I think it's a WONDERFUL thing.
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On 100 % with you on this one, If we weren’t 72, I would give it a try
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It's sad. Some people don't qualify, others are discriminated against for their personal choices. But the saddest thing I've heard so far:
A bill just came up this last year in arkansas to prohibit gays from adopting or doing foster care. My friend was discussing this with a guy from work, who voted for it, because he had friends who were trying to adopt and their weren't enough babies to go around as it is. He seriously didn't comprehend how many of our kids are in foster care or group homes.
Unfortunately the bill passed, I'm sure in great part thanks to the ignorance of such people who believe it's so important to protect kids from homosexuality to the point of denying them a perfectly good, loving home.
Answer:
I understand how you feel. DH & I really want to have a child of our own, but have constantly talked about adoption if we can't conceive naturally.
We have been TTC for 2 years now and with results of DH's sperm not being so “up to par” for us to conceive naturally, we have been seriously thinking of adoption once more.
We know we’ve to get our house in order first, but we want a child badly and if the good LORD is leaning us to the world of foster or adoption, than I'm am open for it and will love that child enjoy it was my biological child and not just my legal one.
I love children and always want to have one of my own one day. Whether it's from fost, adoption, or naturally…what ever the good LOARD wants for us, I'm sure he'll let us know and that's the route we’ll be taken
Answer:
Because not everyone has as massive of a heart as you do!!
I would *love* to adopt and foster.
But because my boyfriend (of 5 years, my high school sweetheart, stable, and we’ve a toddler together and another on the way) aren't actually married, we can't.
Which I think is horrible because we could give children such a wonderful, loving, caring and stable life.
I think it's great what you’re doing though!
Maybe, if you want more people to be aware of this issue and get involved, you could promote the idea in your commuity.
Visit churches, hold a seminar, do your research and show people what a great thing they could be doing!
You could really make a change!
Answer:
Most people want to experience parenthood, and be there from the very beginning of their childs life. Most women want to experience pregnancy & want to carry their child, and feel it grow and change of the course of time.
Most people would be willing to adopt, but that process costs a lot of money, and has a lot of regulations in which you have to over come including : your weight, financial stability, neighborhood, relationship status. Single morthers, can adopt, single dads cannot. Nor can gay people etc.
Adoption is a very hard, long & costly process which can take, at LEAST 1-2 years. You need a lot of will power and patients to wait to be given the opportunity to adopt, never mid the chance to be given the child
Most people don't adopt older kids, because it would effect the childs life more so than the parents. Parents want to opportunity to be their childs *one and only* … adoption is such a beneficial thing. An experience on its own … but it is so hard & wearing most people would rather not, but help out in other ways !
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I think it's great that you want to adopt, but I don't think poorly on those who don't. I am pregnant with my third child and I have often thought about adoption. It's still a route I wish to take. I would love to adopt our fourth child in a few years. Still, I don't think it's fair to assume people who are birthing their own children aren't sensitive to the needs of parentless kids. Why should it fall solely on my shoulders as a parent to take on someone else's kid? Why shouldn't I be allowed to have my own kids along with adopting others?
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I feel exactly the same way - not only about kids but even extended to animals! I have never and would never buy a pet when there's already so many animals in existence needing a home so my pets are always homed or rescued animals. But, while you can do this easily with animals, you can believe all that you say with all your heart and yet be unable to foster or adopt a child. It's very difficult. I tried for years, in various countries, in vain. (The one thing I didn't attempt was the older children with particular problems because that takes a very strong person and stable conditions, I feel, and I wasn't sure I could do it.)
As you're young, willing and able, you'll probably have more success, and I wish you all the very ideal.
Which is your country, that has 70 000 fostered children?
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people dont have the want or desire to take on someone else's ''problem''.They dont want a child who will disrupt their life with problems of any kind.They want to say that this child is mine and I raised a child with no problems. I dont comprehend it either .people want babies so they can raise them as their own , and the chance of behavioral or emotional problems is a lot slimmer.Some peole don’t know how to provide for children with needs and give them the extra care they need, they dont want to get inlvolved in something they don’t understand. It takes someone special to take on and comprehend the needs of a special child.Some people do not understand that all a child wants is to be loved and love in return.
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I think there a few answers to the “why don't more people adopt/foster” question. I think for many people there is a strong drive for biological offspring, and adoption can be very expesive while getting pregnant is more or less free if you don't have any issues. Foster parenting can be emotionally difficult if you become very attached to a child who is moved to another living situation. Of course I wish that we didn't have so many children in foster care or waiting to be adopted, but it just isn't a choice that each person is willing to make and I don't think anyone should be judged for it.
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I’ve been a foster parent for 3 years now and initially became a foster parent to become an adoptive parent. We have had several kids in our care that have gone home to their families and believe me it has not been simple. Being a foster parent is so different than having your own child because the child in your care is not YOUR child, it is a child of the state. Each thing you do has to be monitored and reported to your local county care manager, and foster parents are under a microscope continuously to verify that they are being treated properly and fairly. I’ve almost given up many time because of the system; not that the children weren't worth it but the headaches you go through taking care of a child that is not your own can be overwhelming.
If you choose to foster, it's a wonderful thing to do. Not everyone has can for different reasons and just remember, not each foster child in the system is because of a bad family…sometimes a family has a bad run of luck financially and the foster system is there to help the child while a family gets back on their feet.
Also, there are just as many young children in the system as older children and it's unfortunate that the kids have been stereotyped to have emotional issues. I haven't had one child yet who has any issues outside of a normal each day child and we’ve fostered from 2 days old all the way to 14 yrs.
Good luck!